tell me when it is that nice guys don't finish last
lead me to believe that life is fair and everyone is equal and loved
give me hope that society will reward people for good deeds and that its monsters do not get
free housing, meals, entertainment, as well as immortality for the names manson, gacy, bundy, and Dahmer and I will smile. I feel the worlds heel crushing down on me, grinding for wanting to lead a simple life, pay my bills off and enjoy technology. I did not ask for new challenges or adventures, so why force these experiences on me?
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
what I want
I'd like about 100 acres of land. on that land several reasonably sized communal homes. a temple, a barn, a brick oven, and a pond, plus cattle, chickens, and goats. I'd like people living there with me who all have a self sufficient desire, and have some sorta skill (pottery, weaving, woodworking, electrical, automotive). I'd like most of the people to be bisexual or having a bi partner and in either an open marriage or just living a cautious polyamorous lifestyle. I'd want the temple to be primarily Kemetic (ancient egyptian) in focus but not necessarily only kemetic, anyone want to join in making this a reality? let me know.
old stuff.
This is all old stuff, not everything has a title, and most of its pretty ugly. you are warned.
I write these pages to put a written account of how, who, and what I am, so that you may know how I see myself and how I wish to be and not just how others saw me.
Dark Life
I have no friends or lovers, I am alone.
Used, abused, unloved is what I moan.
My mother says I can do no right
and never stops giving me that verbal fight.
I help people learn at school
in hopes that I can earn grateful friendship
but they don't care.
Why is life so unfair?
I tell the truth, nothing to gain by a lie
My life is so dark I wish I could die
Fat
All my life I've been fat.
Another thing for my mother
to yell at.
I try to lose weight,
I exercise and try to eat right
but I seem to be losing the fight.
(Untitled)
I meditate upon the beach
naked as when first born
Balance is for what I reach
for inner peace I have sworn
(Untitled)
I have received praise
for my academic ways
On the honor roll
Major comfort for my soul
depression has left
Pain and sorrow, bereft
Earth Child
Child of the Earth I was born
to protect the mother I have sworn
Child of Gaea and Pan
I worship them, not the son of a man
Taught in the ways of the Crone
their abilities I seek to make my own
Jobbin
went up town to get a job
haven't been able to
they say I'm a slob
gotta have money to buy a car
walk to college?
bit too far
can't get a job, don't know why
could sell drugs
and make up a lie
then again
bow to greed?
Why?
Defense
they claim to ask for so little,
and claim to give so much
honor, duty, discipline
a job and training
food, a bed and uniform
money for college and pay
for six weeks of hell
and four years of work
you can serve your nation
as a warrior born and a warrior trained
to die in battle
earning a seat in Valhalla
and maybe a spot on a memorial
to live protecting the interests of your nation,
even if they're not your own.
dandelion haiku
the crickets sing
as I water the pretty flowers
which most call weeds.
(Untitled)
You, my love
race against the wind
not against the other runners
whose goal is a mere trophy
race against the wind.
I see his face in all thats plant
The Greenman! The Greenman!
I know that He loves so
The Greenman! The Greenman!
Without him there'd be no life
The Greenman! The Greenman!
There is no animal
without a plant
The Greenman! The Greenman!
No dog without its wood
No Ying without a yang
The Greenman!
ELEMENTALS
The Elementals,
not to be confused with the periodic ones
are the basis of the metaphysical universe.
Fire that gives us the spark of life
and the passion for and against all things
Water, that allows blood and the magic
to flow.
Earth, that grants strength and form of bone and flesh
the structure, logic
Air, that without we wouldn't breathe, allowing
our words to be heard.
Respect and cherish these, our
ancient siblings that endow us
with what is known and not known
let them be with you when you work magick
show your respect
(Untitled)
You sit there, begging to be my friend,
slave to the Man
only getting food and humiliation,
you sacrifice the wild
for warmth
you sacrifice the hunt
for canned pieces of cow
go fetch the stick boy
run, as I pretend to throw,
I'm brilliant, you're fooled
give me your soul
you get my "love"
slave, do your bidding
guard my home and family,
play the court jester
and if you slip up
urinate or shit without permission
or in any way rebel
your life ends
slave,
sign of the future
I own you
and one day all other of Nature's children
will be for my pleasure,
I have the cow, the chicken
the rose and fish
be my slave and you're on my side
oppose me, and know extinction
Don't blame me/view through hate
Don't blame me,
its their fault,
when I break my leg
just let me sue
who cares how it affects society
I'm here for number one
we blamed the devil for the plague
who cares about hygiene
grab a witch
and burn the bitch
pick a jew
kill him too
later we take the responsibility
of converting the savages
don't blame me for his enslavement
don't blame me for his societies injuries
I saved him, even if he was happy before
then he turns on me,
thinking he's a man
don't blame me for his lynching
gotta express what I believe is superiority
my bible gives me my authority
and now my brother
coming out to "love" one another
don't blame me for their hospitalization
I'll teach them about love and marriage
they can stay in the closet
and out of the military
don't blame me
my white skin, blue eyes and blonde hair show my perfection
now all I need is to show my right.
Unnatural Beauty
Doctor Doctor, fix me quick!
If im physically perfect
ill get what I need without the effort
Oh if I had bigger breasts
life would be perfect
that gorgeous stud would love me
life would be perfect
if I didn't have this fat
who needs hard work
when I got hard cash,
suck it out, ill be perfect
life would be perfect
who cares if its shallow
who cares if its vain
who needs effort, or to use the brain
make me an unnatural beauty
show the triumphs of man over nature.
Happying
Closer to the goals
but now saying them
fear of jinxing it all
but getting happy
the struggle
the search
for these things are what its about,
the lesson, not the grade
the marathon, not the finish line
the effort, not the pay
mao was right
work for happiness
struggle creates the passion
thats the road for happying
Love
love, a many splendorous thing
and as of yet unexplored by my soul (in this lifetime at least)
I dream of it, fantasize of it,
caught myself staring jealously
at a couple,
in the embrace
where there is no beginning, or end
body, soul, mind of two
merge as one
oh to know it myself
end the lonelyness
with passion,
with love,
with another
skin touches
minds merge
souls become soul
love is gained and lost
love and loss
passion and pain
love is a balance,
love is the law love is the bond
love is for what I search
and have not found
(Untitled)
Pressure in my jaws and heart
teeth crushing into each other, heart falling
headaches dizziness it hurts just to live
is this love or just a belligerent wisdom tooth
needing him to relieve the pain.
needing her to relieve the pain.
Knife
flesh tears, blood spurts
the cause of misery is removed,
the physical one
so close to the arteries, the sinus cavities
one slip,
and all the pain would end
one slip,
wouldn't be a failure anymore
one slip,
wouldn't be lonely
one slip,
body and soul, divorced
one slip,
peace at last
one slip
would set me free
one slip of his hand
would truly end my misery
My Friends
They were supposed to be there when you need them
through thick and thin
good times and bad
not stab you in the back
not mock you for your unconventional ways
seeing you only in private
speaking to you when no one else can hear
like a torrid affair
a temporary pleasure,
and hours of heartache
they hid from the unpopularity of the association
with a misfit
like me
friends
true friends
don't exist
in my life
The Essence of Passion
You think that they are beautiful,
these creations of silicone and anorexia
beauty is not skin
nor muscle, or bone,
beauty is not fat or the lack of
beauty is the soul;
The Essence of Passion
love has no eyes
nor nose
it cannot differentiate between big or small
it can only see the true beauty
The Essence of Passion.
Smile when you meet Death
When it comes
and your standing there
don't scream, run, and try to hide
the cycle must be complete
Smile when you see Death,
take hold of its hand,
be happy that you're
being greeted at the physical end
its a lonely and thankless job,
that of the reaper,
but it must be done,
without death there is no life
and being human
with heart and passion
lust, jealousy,
and everything else that makes life tolerable
give them room,
they are human,
not spawns of God,
they are allowed to have problems
they're just human,
free them
God free the Queen,
or put them out of their misery
She's out there
There's two of us, they say
all souls cut down the middle
sent apart
to search for one another.
She's out there
my other half
is she live or dead?
In America
or Uganda?
If only there was a psychic flare gun
to signal her,
to say, "Hi, I love you"
She's out there and I weep
she's not here
I don't know her
I miss her
who is she
I love her
Help Me
INDEPENDENCE
Psycho, crazy, insane
above or below the boundaries
cries for help but hides from it
choices are as clear as ice,
be normal and not mocked,
give up to individual, the passion, the talent
be the conformist sheep.
OR
be out there
inspired by pondering nothing
dancing in the rain
debating reality
with yourself
choices are made
no sheep around here,
only wolves
its a beautiful day in this neighbourhood
when you write, the script of reality
Dark Bird
Argumentative
She fights dirty
an artist in her own right
destroyer of stereotypes.
the physical body has little importance,
except to keep life long and fun
the Rebel
the Warrior Princess
the Dream
and I'm the Dreamer
let the dream not end,
an aneurysm, permanent coma,
se we will be together forever,
OR
let fate smile on me
and let me find you
in the flesh in the fight back to back
taking on all the enemies
ignorance, injustice, prejudice, intolerance, stereotypes, pollution
you and me baby, slashing and burning away at society.
creating our own reality,
our own world where everything's right.
destroying each others falsehoods
purifying ourselves
with ourselves
the beauty of the soul is free,
the beauty of truth is shown
Dark Bird
dreamy bird
be with me
for now
and
forevermore
Human Rights
They are restricted
the minorities
whether by unjust laws or the lack of laws
or society;
marriage
restricted
jobs
restricted
children
restricted
life
impoverished
minorities
who by a simple twist of fate
are restricted
the rights endowed to their majority brethren
endowed by birth,
as humans
restricted,
free them by simply
granting every human
equality.
Straight and wrinkled
Order is created
yet chaos still flexes its muscles
all the clothes are refolded perfectly
perfectly wrinkled
everything is straight
when I'm not around
everythings perfect, everythings right,
the world is as it should be,
when all of us crazy freaks are hiding
but then we come
screaming our pride in that which is not exactly mainstream
our defiance, their intolerance
such lovely chaos
they give us some of what we need and want and deserve,
when we scream loud enough
but most of our needs go unmet,
we must get a little quiet for a while
structure is returning,
weirdness fades,
my "psychosis" is getting sleepy
I'm starting to enjoy being straight and wrinkled
and ending the mainstream
creating a new society
a joyous, loving, just society
life of lettuce
awakened by his love at dawn
cradled in her bosom my whole life
the sky kisses me with rain
I grow under their love
the passion of pure existence,
the joy of my life
Think of me
I could be a rose
or a dandelion.
fruit or vegetable
does it matter?
do vegans think of my soul, my life, my love
when they call their omnivore brothers
murderers?
and still kill me
feasting on my flesh
or that of my children?
can we say hypocrite?
Just because I don't scream
as you cut me and you can find
a brain in me
doesn't mean I don't feel the pain you give me
Conclusion
I've come to an end
my soul unpinned
healing
feeling
loving
and living
enjoying this artistic
antidepressant
infusion
and to quote Kurt
one more special
message to go
and then Im done
and I can go home
love mys.... oh forget that
I'm getting happy
and attention
feeling loved
and noticed
its ok to be alive.
To ________, of West Chicago
I loved you so
and acted very low
expressing lust
destroying any trust
I still grieve
why did I deceive?
I loved you so
you really didn't know
we could have danced
had a little romance
Je t'adore
you abhor
I loved you so
for you my heart did go
maybe one day another chance
a romantic trance
another try
this time
I refuse to lie
I
love
you
so
Remembering my immaturity
running fast
blowing kisses
she screams
and runs
the fun begins again
around the school back and forth
she outruns me easily
Another one this time giving candy
and a verbal run around
she spits and kicks
and I talk dirty
the fun begins again
around the school
back and forth outruns me easily...
I grew up
remembered my old ways
after moving and seeing others do what I did
and am sickened by them
a vow, a change, reformation.
And never doing it again
You did the best you could
You did the best you could
you raised us pretty good
to raise three by yourself
paid the bills and had no wealth
Alone I was raised
never gave any praise
you endless toil
a husband unloyal
Mom, I love you
and mom I thank you
forever
and everything.
all nature is beautiful,
from the drama of Niagra falls
to the single blade of grass,
glistening with dew
the cleansing rains
the icicles silently saying that even water sleeps
the mother doe caring for its newborn
too weak to stand
nurturing , loving
all nature is beautiful
from the struggle
of predator and prey
battles for dominance
in breeding and territory
to the simple opening of a blossom
filling the fields with fragrant flowers following
the sun
receiving light and shining beauty
all
nature
is
beautiful.
(UNTITLED)
Are we the highest life, Mr Darwin
or just egotistical,
insane
self appointed executioners of earth
were they right at Nuernberg to say
humanity shines brightest when acting as savages
or are we in soul and spirit, redeemable
worthy of transcending the mortal shell
for a philosophical debate with God.
Will we give up hate, fear and greed
the motivating factors for material development
for peace, love, and a wisdom that some say isn't there?
Rain falls on the roof
like a thousand kisses from him to her
I lie on the bathroom floor
stomach being lightly burned
from direct contact with a heating vent I press against
for warmth in winter
I hear my breath
wheezing, whining
like an engine too old and worn to turn over
I am alone,
20,
friendless,
loveless,
sad
and hating the monotony of my life.
... and the home of the brave
how can we judge
what's right or wrong
standing in an imagined moral superiority
relying on "holy" scripture
that was imagined
how can we judge
whether a woman
has control of her body
or
if its control is determined
by some man
writing laws
based on the thoughts of men thousands of years ago
how can we judge
how a nation rules its people
or the people the nation
favor trade with one red flag
but deny it to another.
How can we judge
who gave us moral authority
nation of the free oppressors
To the Unknown spirit
Oh please come to me again
love
like last night, when I
awoke to find no physical being
but felt you
my love
being the lover I so desperately crave
please hear my
pleas
be my lover again tonight
I miss you so
I miss your soul
I beg, I plead
If asked, for you I would bleed
yet you ignore my need
you take me when I lose hope,
not when I beg
not when I pretend to not want it
you know me to well
If I could only get you to stay
If only I could know who you are
who you were,
who you want to be
my formless lover.
Have you reincarnated,
leaving me to beg for something that won't happen
are you a lonely spirit
as I
or a torturous daemon
preparing me for eternity in hell ,
or what would be the heaven of your bedchamber
I begin to understand your ways
you come to me at my lowest,
and raise me to my highest,
wanting me to stay, giving you all so that
I can fly with emotions so high
but I tear out my own feathers and fall
with my endless cry of why did you leave me?
And when I crash, your energy
renewed, you serge to me
like a flame being given to a phoenix
overpowering pure passion
numbing body mind and soul,
with a pleasure that seems to last for infinity,
but is only a few moments
I LOVE YOU
romance is not another word for sex,
as some believe,
romance can be any act
done by one
out of love
and with the sole purpose
of making the love of ones life happy
romance can be
a candle lit dinner
for a lover, when the
lover has had a hard day
it can be simply doing
all the household chores
for your lover so that he/she
may lie in bed, relaxing
it can be extravagant,
such as having your lovers name
written in the sky,
or
as simple
as breakfast in bed.
...as long as it meets 2 conditions
being done purely out of love, and
with the sole purpose of making your partner happy
any act can be
romance.
The Quick fix
the quick fix is here
come and get it
amphetamine for rebellion,
surgery for weight loss,
or breast gain.
We refuse to allow ourselves
to fight the battles,
"oh no, its too hard"
"he won't sit still"
"they're just not big enough, whose gonna want me?"
If lifes a test,
are these the cheat sheets?
(untitled)
rejection of natural,
creation of our own
society is changed
once wild packs, now urban cities
once starvation and disease rampant
now less so
what's the future,
what's the future?
following a trend?
from solo families
to clans
to tribes
to villages
to cities
what's next,
the hive?
is
the bee
the ultimate in social creatures?
(untitled)
Stripped to their basic cores
pure beauty
of the strongest strength:
knowledge
of the purest truth:
love
of the brightest light:
peace
Stripped of all their dogma (or catma)
religion,
no matter which one,
as long as it keeps us with the divine,
and there is peace, love and knowledge,
unites
and is the greatest beauty of man.
Red
red as rust
clouds of dust
trailing me
I walk on the ground
let my anger drowned
clinging to my skin
this red red soil
to which I'll always be loyal
I become native American
no longer an American born European
I am wiccan
worshiping in the glen
loving her
a pagan minister
all in this red
beautiful
Holy
red
(untitled)
walking on gravel
sharp racks cut,
and sting
still I walk on
no matter what's
in my way
I walk on
slipping in the mud
I fall on my butt
but I get back up
and walk on
not numbed by what I've been told
I walk on
to learn
and
know
Friendless
I can tell that they think
I'm cold, anti-social.
They're right.
The friends I've had
misused me
were embarrassed by me
hated me
coldness breeds and scars
why be social,
when friends betray you
laugh at you,
leave you.
warmth, love, understanding
heal my psyche
if someone ignores my coldness
and is friendly
the iceberg melts
Please
Melt Me.
He is
He is the embodiment of male
not macho
or misogynic
but kind gentle, romantic
and not effeminate
He is the lover
the father and warrior
the brother and son
the hunter and hunted
He is the one who will always
be there for you,
not at a bar causing his own unemployment
one who teaches to play fair,
and doesn't cheat his family
he is the one who would stay honest and loyal
not chasing every skirt in view
He loves until the end of love
he is horned
and scarred with the tests, trials, and victories of life
He is the ideal
Strive to be him.
Maleing
the thought
of overcoming insecurities
of manhood
staying male
instead of waving a white flag
and begging for surgery
is in my heart
to be the male
fulfill the gender role put on me before birth
even knowing that nothing I respect
would frown upon my feminization
yes, this maybe denial,
but lets see how it goes,
try to be the best-
human
I can be
man
I can be
try to be the best
set a good example
oh human strength overcoming
all.
Shells
many of the girls I know
have no interest
in beauty below the surface
like looking upon a pond overgrown with algae
and assuming it to be hideous.
no notice of that which lives below.
in the man they search for
they do not look for the beauty of the soul
the caring of the heart.
the unwavering goal of doing whatever she asks of him
to simply make her happy
in hopes of a future response
they look at the shells
that enclose the soul
they look for the hansom stud,
an athlete,
a bad boy
the opportunists of the heart
who search for any warm body
not for love,
but a quick roll in the sack
these self proclaimed men
have no love
or
respect for women
but are simply,
pretty
empty
shells
cycleing
up and down
light and dark
life cycles
form happiness
to sadness
joy
to
pain
if the cycle should stop
would it be in love of life
or a quick end
the rollercoaster of emotion isn't over yet
need help
someone else
someone to hear my cries
one more day
one more day
to hear and say
I love you
one more day
to live and know
all the joys life provides
one more day
to be
to feel
to change that which is into
that which we dream
one more day
(untitled)
I urge you
I don't have the courage to follow my own message
to go out and be friendly to all
talk to total strangers
make friends with everyone
maybe
even
me
(untitled)
alone
again again
I write this
again again
darkness
again again
self critical
admittal
mediocrity
again again
again
again
again
again
dreamy waters
I dream of the day
when the river says
"I will not be restricted
by your kind any more"
and shatters all the dams
and locks
I dream of the day
when the waters scream out
"your kind can use me,
but I will not allow you
to poison me any more", and
forms ice caps over all pipelines flowing in
tosses the oil and gas spilling motor boats
out of its body
takes all the wastes thrown into it and tosses it back at
those who dumped it in
I dream of the day when the sea becomes defensive
and states "I will always love you
but you must respect me or you shall be
destroyed"
ways
we (the living beings of the universe)
all travel paths
different paths
none end the same
none start the same
like each facet on a gemstone
like each thought in the mind of GOD
we are all separate,
yet permanently linked as one.
we have different ways
I
ask that
you
do not demand I follow your path
like convincing a pig to grow wings & fly,
It simply won't be
and I would expect the same of you
let us celebrate our diversity
let no one,
under any circumstance,
demand us to change
let no one
ask us to change
unless we wish to
Dark lite, shining
I see a young woman
beautiful, in societies cataritic eye
straight A's from preschool to college
perfect attendance, prom queen.
she bores me
she is so
meaningless
she is the bright white light of a searchlight
beckoning the grand opening of a used car lot
at night.
she hides her true beauty
the dark daemon inside
the side that loves metal, black shiny leather
the side that dreams of being a centrefold for hustler
the wild and kinky, it is only the hiding
and shaming of it that mutates it to perversion.
express your lovely shadow
its not popular with the mainstream
but its beautiful
and liberating
Alicia
"All guys are assholes
or have girlfriends
or are gay."
a female acquaintance said to me the other day
"and which one am I?"
I responded
mildly disturbed at the possibility of being labeled such
"I don't have a girlfriend
and I'm not gay
so?"
her response:
"oh,...your precious"
although in truth I believe I didn't enter her mind.
why don't women think of me?
why can't just one lovely lady
see me, say hi good lookin'
and think of me?
judgement
I strive for perfection
words embodying my heart,
and soul,
I submit a sample, a criticism of what I see as bad
in hope for agreement
in hope for recognition
and acceptance,
now I must wait for judgement
To her
you ask me where I was
in high school and college
when you cried out for a man who was sensitive
a man who cared, wouldn't cheat on you at first chance
a man who wouldn't break your heart
and wanted more than to get into your pants.
but I was there
I was there to watch you throw yourself at every guy
whom you thought of as cute.
I was there to be ignored when there was a guy you knew wasn't true
who would break you hear without a second thought
the question is not where I was
or even where you were
its why weren't we together
which I can't answer
I remember
I was ready willing and waiting
and you knew it
and now you come to me
after all the others used and abused you
you come to me
because you know Im lonely and desperate
willing to jump for the first woman to come along
in fear that opportunity will only knock once
Yes I will be your man
I will love, care, and respect you
but please
don't ask where I was in your hour of need
you were the one that wouldn't let me into your life
Analysis of fear
I sit on a bench
across the hall from a young woman
she is attractive, yet I fear her,
I fear the rejection of me for my physical appearance.
I fear the rejection of me for me inability to drive yet I wish to be with her,
in any way she would have me
Croak
He is the raven
hopeless romantic fool
ever pursuing a bird of a feather
a soulmate
destined too dream of a life without
the loneliness he knows
a loneliness no one
should know,
he prays, hopes, wishes and dreams
that she enter his life
but he know not if the prayers will be answered
or maybe they have been, and he didn't hear
opportunity knocking.
He sees beautiful women
befriends them
and is crushed when
he hears of their boyfriends,
fiances, or husbands
he is the Raven
he is me
(untitled)
does anyone truly know what they want
or do they simply stumble into
a pleasure that they fool themselves
into believing was the dream they were destined for?
(untitled)
I begin yet again
down this road
of ink, lead, and paper
I begin yet again
fueled by my soul my brain the engine
and fingers are the wheels
I begin yet again
exercising the creative
purifying and cleansing the inner
I begin yet again
further down lifes
wonderful road.
I
begin
yet
again
spider
weaving the web of your life
each strand a different story
of whats been
whats seen heard, felt
and all
weaving the web of your life
singing you song
the lyrics melodies sounds
only heard by those that matter
weaving the web of your life
you can tangle yourself up with yourself
and die in your cocoon of introspection
and paranoia
weaving the web of your life
say your story
sing your song
but also live your life
and don't spend all time
weaving
My 2 mothers
one prays I stop learning
and get a job to start earning
the other says be free
be happy
one wants me to come home
and stay
the other wants me to do as I please
as long as it harms none
one I and my siblings have hurt
and I grieve, wish to right the wrongs
the other does not believe there are such
injuries and thinks my being silly
I love my mothers
I just don't know who to follow
one I see
one I know
If only they could both be one
SHE WEPT
When it finally came to climax
she cried
Her youngest finally leaving
he stated
truthfully
with his own mounting tears
"I can't live at home forever"
"yes you can, you want your old mother to be alone?"
No response
what could he have said
this is his only chance at freedom
but why such pain
why
why
he did not want to cause pain
he has rights
including
freedom
Conversation
do not tell me
about life insurance
about funeral arrangements
tell me if you love me, mom
A Drop
Dewy drops covering
a maze of yellow swatches
against a dark blue evening
techno and nature intertwining
with the right timing
creating such a
unique beauty
Someone Like You
loneliness
and boredom
sends me searching
for someone
like you
someone
to love
to write for
to talk to
to live for
to be the light at the end of the tunnel
someone like you
with your brite blue eyes
full of love, life hope beauty
the brilliance shining through the windows of the soul
you with your golden hair
shining in the sunlight like cornsilk
why must you always choose guys who will hurt you?
Is this some insatiable need in the female heart
for pain spiked with pleasure?
Id love to be with you
I would never hurt you
I dream of being with
someone like you.
S. R. M.
FORGE
you ignite me
send me ablaze
you join with me
in this fire of love
we work each other
hammering out the impurities
burning off the imperfect
smelting, in each others arms
loving, what we are
changing, into something so
perfect
it cannot be
at least in whats called reality
Summer
summer
shortest
and most loved of all
brightest
and most mature
so beautiful and most enjoyed.
You are when life is at its fullest
your heat warms my frozen heart
but we must always remember
the birds fly away at the first chilled breeze
so much dies in your absence
we must trust and know the future
that the blessings of summer
are just around the corner
if we cherish this sacred seed,
the potential of love
and let it bloom
ignore the painful chills of winter gone by
it will blossom
as the most beautiful rose
Beautiful images
I see beauty in all things
when in nature, but not just nature
from the tar splotch shaped like a mermaid
to the sunset light fluttering through the trees
to see the beauty of all,
be in all
not blocked in walls
and carpet,
false light overhead
and covered with blankets;
sleeping with a mattress of mother earth
and moss
a wallpaper of leaves
star the only nightlight
In Tar
I see a beauty
when I go for a walk
just a smear of tar on the road
until you stop, look, and love
I see a mermaid
with fishes tail
full breasts
and flowing hair
body positioned as if sleeping
maybe she's waiting for a flood
to awaken and swim away
do you think she'll take me with
or just try to forget
the man who stood on a road
contemplating
tar
and seeing
more
sad and pathetic little me
sad and pathetic little me
Id do anything to be loved by a girl
I just wanna give love a whirl
Id do anything that ya wanna
id go shopping for marijuana
id do anything to be loved by that girl
sad and pathetic little me
id do anything to be loved by that girl
sad and pathetic little me
going to the liquor store to buy some Zima
she's underaged and im luckily legal
we'll get drunk all night long
then we'll hit that bong
Im hoping to get lucky
maybe she'll appreciate and decide to fuck me.
Id do anything to get that girl
Id do anything to give love a whirl
Sad
and Pathetic
Little
ME.
Rain on me
Sky kisses ground
I watch from inside
expressions of their love all around
not sin to hide
beauty rains on me
I step outside
rain pouring down
walk into the grass
and I lay upon the ground
while love rains on me
like a teddy bear
between a loving couple
this holy act
presses on me
purest passion rains on me
Great Father Sky
let me feel you love
for the Mother Earth
rain on me
pour on me
raining down
passion in water
all around
hearing loving wisdom
rain on me
EMILY
Beautiful one
wondrous woman
so innocent when inebriated
I am not the others
I will not be mean
I care, and will buy for you
I love and would die for you
If you could know my
heart
that I wish to be more than
acquaintance
the roommate of a friend
lovely lovely Emily
can it ever be so?
will you ever know?
A Regret
Her eyes were full of life
and her heart of passion
but her mind was all a clouded
with intoxication her body's fashion
She did dare violate my
sanctuary
she entered my bed
and like pulling the lions tail
dared to run her fingers through my hair
I awoke
and looking into those eyes, so deep
if they were ponds a man would drown in them,
fall 100 years
and never touch bottom.
My heart sang to be her lover
but I knew it wouldn't be
not on this night,
when her will to refused
was having a hang-over
I must respect her
maybe later
our hearts
minds
and bodies
will join
(untitled)
They do it for mans pleasure and their own pain
forced by life fate and society to live this way
they did it to stay alive
yet hated and mocked by society for being so
they did it to stay alive
when others were unwilling to help
they do it for a mans pleasure and their own pain
these impained sisters
not being loved but lusted for
some loving a man
who cares not for them,
sold into servitude
to support his lifestyle
not finding enough money for survival
no matter the skills
education
and training
being destroyed,
body and soul,
by life
their clients give disease
their pimps lock them to this life with an addiction
they find no other way
they live a slow death
day by dollar
they did it to stay alive
they do it to stay enslaved
they do it for life
Just Bitchin
Why is it that when a man wears
clothes of certain colours, patterns, and materials
his manhood is questioned?
Our ancient ancestors wore skirts, men and women,
is this socially acceptable today?
If we want a society that truly has equality to men and women
all societal perceptions on role must be eliminated
including fashion. Now hand me my pink blouse.
Whycantyoustoptellingmeaboutyourmeaninglesspatheticexistenceidontcareifthewalmartmangaveyouafreecheeseburgertodayidontcareaboutanyoftheotherpointlessthingsyoutellmedayafterdayitellyouidontcarebutyoujustkeeptellingmeiwishihadaguniwouldpointitrightbetweenmyeyesandblowmybrainsoutjusttoknowsilence
Kapla
a physical success
24:50 for 2 miles
a feet I never dreamed possible
6 months ago
a dream that can only be true
with the mind
the heart
the soul
all agreeing to succeed
kapla
kapla
kapla
never sure how bright the sun
or how cold the breeze
unless we listen to another
telling us what we could know
from just stepping outside
never sure how bright the sun
or if the rain will freeze
if we could know in advance
how little to wear!
or we could try easily strippable layers
never sure how bright the sun
or how strong the wind
what to plant and when
oh if these marvels of science were just as strong
as native species, or just as beautiful.
never sure how bright the sun
or if our hearts will freeze
when we abandon hope
empower fear and hate
the could light of death will shine
and love will be a void
They didn't know
In our madness
called war
we kill many innocents
and don't acknowledge their existence
hundreds of pets, wild things living
until Nagasaki and Hiroshima
went up in smoke
dogs drafted during Vietnam detonate mines
with their tender paws
these innocents didn't know
that its just politics
that it didn't have to be
that out of greed, arrogance, and dogma
we murder them and ourselves
these ones will never have
a memorial commemorating their lives lost
never acknowledged
rarely though of
they didn't know
tlhlngan Hol Dajathlh'a'
wonderful girl
im jealous of you you have friends of a pagan nature
massive links to what you desire
and dont' have to fear your mother
you can be as open as you desire
I seek my own little israel
a holy land in which I dont
have to hide my star
I can let my hair grow long
sing loudly
and not wear underwear (or even boxers)
be as green as possible and tlhlngan Hol jatlh
Politically incorrect
becareful, I tell the truth
which may offend
but is correct.
truth?
I believe you...
misdefine
you may mean facts
a fact is a skull dug from the ground
a truth is subjective
a truth is "neanderthal, 10000 years old"
a truth is " No, thats uncle jake, I remember putting him there,
20 years ago after the accident..... maybe I shouldn't have said that"
a truth is "its just a rock"
This
was the truth.
wanting
you'll think Im perverse
dreaming of cherry pies
and maybe im worse
drinking the sweat from her thighs
Im just wanting;
semi-normal, post teen lust
Im just wanting
to feel her bust
thinking kinda kinky
after an intense exercise class
drinking sweat like sweetened tea
groping her well-defined ass
but thats just the physical
im just wanting
the whole thing
the mind for critical thinking
challenging
everything
I am
lover
don't know don't care
if their
male
if their
female
lover
its what I need
let my future lover
be so drawn to me
irresistibly
like a bug to the lightning blue light of a zapper
an iron rod to the strongest of magnets
let us come together
in a way that
only titans of strength
veritable hands of sampson and Hercules
could even contemplate drawing apart
and the only for the briefest moments
let me find
lover.
Breeding mold
when we throw part of ourselves in a closet
slam the door, lock it
it doesn't die,
with no air, or light or love
it takes in what it can
negatives combining
mutating
sex plus anger minus power, love and self-esteem
is named perversion
armored with shiny black vinyl and patent leather
chains, whips, and paddles
your gospel screeches sex is sin
but you wont win
with repression
locked away
it breeds till one day
your daughters a dominatrix
your wife loves the pet dog alittle too much
(and you wonder why he gave up on your leg)
your son considers preschools a singles bar
yes perversion aint natural
its breeds by repression
the closet of your psyche its womb.
Sandy
You were everything to me
You took away my pain
and set me free
then you abandoned me
you had inspired hope
then slapped me into misery
you sang sweet siren songs
and made me dream
of brite happiness, Joy and comfort
then dropped me like dinners unwanted leftovers
into the garbage of reality
I write these pages to put a written account of how, who, and what I am, so that you may know how I see myself and how I wish to be and not just how others saw me.
Dark Life
I have no friends or lovers, I am alone.
Used, abused, unloved is what I moan.
My mother says I can do no right
and never stops giving me that verbal fight.
I help people learn at school
in hopes that I can earn grateful friendship
but they don't care.
Why is life so unfair?
I tell the truth, nothing to gain by a lie
My life is so dark I wish I could die
Fat
All my life I've been fat.
Another thing for my mother
to yell at.
I try to lose weight,
I exercise and try to eat right
but I seem to be losing the fight.
(Untitled)
I meditate upon the beach
naked as when first born
Balance is for what I reach
for inner peace I have sworn
(Untitled)
I have received praise
for my academic ways
On the honor roll
Major comfort for my soul
depression has left
Pain and sorrow, bereft
Earth Child
Child of the Earth I was born
to protect the mother I have sworn
Child of Gaea and Pan
I worship them, not the son of a man
Taught in the ways of the Crone
their abilities I seek to make my own
Jobbin
went up town to get a job
haven't been able to
they say I'm a slob
gotta have money to buy a car
walk to college?
bit too far
can't get a job, don't know why
could sell drugs
and make up a lie
then again
bow to greed?
Why?
Defense
they claim to ask for so little,
and claim to give so much
honor, duty, discipline
a job and training
food, a bed and uniform
money for college and pay
for six weeks of hell
and four years of work
you can serve your nation
as a warrior born and a warrior trained
to die in battle
earning a seat in Valhalla
and maybe a spot on a memorial
to live protecting the interests of your nation,
even if they're not your own.
dandelion haiku
the crickets sing
as I water the pretty flowers
which most call weeds.
(Untitled)
You, my love
race against the wind
not against the other runners
whose goal is a mere trophy
race against the wind.
I see his face in all thats plant
The Greenman! The Greenman!
I know that He loves so
The Greenman! The Greenman!
Without him there'd be no life
The Greenman! The Greenman!
There is no animal
without a plant
The Greenman! The Greenman!
No dog without its wood
No Ying without a yang
The Greenman!
ELEMENTALS
The Elementals,
not to be confused with the periodic ones
are the basis of the metaphysical universe.
Fire that gives us the spark of life
and the passion for and against all things
Water, that allows blood and the magic
to flow.
Earth, that grants strength and form of bone and flesh
the structure, logic
Air, that without we wouldn't breathe, allowing
our words to be heard.
Respect and cherish these, our
ancient siblings that endow us
with what is known and not known
let them be with you when you work magick
show your respect
(Untitled)
You sit there, begging to be my friend,
slave to the Man
only getting food and humiliation,
you sacrifice the wild
for warmth
you sacrifice the hunt
for canned pieces of cow
go fetch the stick boy
run, as I pretend to throw,
I'm brilliant, you're fooled
give me your soul
you get my "love"
slave, do your bidding
guard my home and family,
play the court jester
and if you slip up
urinate or shit without permission
or in any way rebel
your life ends
slave,
sign of the future
I own you
and one day all other of Nature's children
will be for my pleasure,
I have the cow, the chicken
the rose and fish
be my slave and you're on my side
oppose me, and know extinction
Don't blame me/view through hate
Don't blame me,
its their fault,
when I break my leg
just let me sue
who cares how it affects society
I'm here for number one
we blamed the devil for the plague
who cares about hygiene
grab a witch
and burn the bitch
pick a jew
kill him too
later we take the responsibility
of converting the savages
don't blame me for his enslavement
don't blame me for his societies injuries
I saved him, even if he was happy before
then he turns on me,
thinking he's a man
don't blame me for his lynching
gotta express what I believe is superiority
my bible gives me my authority
and now my brother
coming out to "love" one another
don't blame me for their hospitalization
I'll teach them about love and marriage
they can stay in the closet
and out of the military
don't blame me
my white skin, blue eyes and blonde hair show my perfection
now all I need is to show my right.
Unnatural Beauty
Doctor Doctor, fix me quick!
If im physically perfect
ill get what I need without the effort
Oh if I had bigger breasts
life would be perfect
that gorgeous stud would love me
life would be perfect
if I didn't have this fat
who needs hard work
when I got hard cash,
suck it out, ill be perfect
life would be perfect
who cares if its shallow
who cares if its vain
who needs effort, or to use the brain
make me an unnatural beauty
show the triumphs of man over nature.
Happying
Closer to the goals
but now saying them
fear of jinxing it all
but getting happy
the struggle
the search
for these things are what its about,
the lesson, not the grade
the marathon, not the finish line
the effort, not the pay
mao was right
work for happiness
struggle creates the passion
thats the road for happying
Love
love, a many splendorous thing
and as of yet unexplored by my soul (in this lifetime at least)
I dream of it, fantasize of it,
caught myself staring jealously
at a couple,
in the embrace
where there is no beginning, or end
body, soul, mind of two
merge as one
oh to know it myself
end the lonelyness
with passion,
with love,
with another
skin touches
minds merge
souls become soul
love is gained and lost
love and loss
passion and pain
love is a balance,
love is the law love is the bond
love is for what I search
and have not found
(Untitled)
Pressure in my jaws and heart
teeth crushing into each other, heart falling
headaches dizziness it hurts just to live
is this love or just a belligerent wisdom tooth
needing him to relieve the pain.
needing her to relieve the pain.
Knife
flesh tears, blood spurts
the cause of misery is removed,
the physical one
so close to the arteries, the sinus cavities
one slip,
and all the pain would end
one slip,
wouldn't be a failure anymore
one slip,
wouldn't be lonely
one slip,
body and soul, divorced
one slip,
peace at last
one slip
would set me free
one slip of his hand
would truly end my misery
My Friends
They were supposed to be there when you need them
through thick and thin
good times and bad
not stab you in the back
not mock you for your unconventional ways
seeing you only in private
speaking to you when no one else can hear
like a torrid affair
a temporary pleasure,
and hours of heartache
they hid from the unpopularity of the association
with a misfit
like me
friends
true friends
don't exist
in my life
The Essence of Passion
You think that they are beautiful,
these creations of silicone and anorexia
beauty is not skin
nor muscle, or bone,
beauty is not fat or the lack of
beauty is the soul;
The Essence of Passion
love has no eyes
nor nose
it cannot differentiate between big or small
it can only see the true beauty
The Essence of Passion.
Smile when you meet Death
When it comes
and your standing there
don't scream, run, and try to hide
the cycle must be complete
Smile when you see Death,
take hold of its hand,
be happy that you're
being greeted at the physical end
its a lonely and thankless job,
that of the reaper,
but it must be done,
without death there is no life
and being human
with heart and passion
lust, jealousy,
and everything else that makes life tolerable
give them room,
they are human,
not spawns of God,
they are allowed to have problems
they're just human,
free them
God free the Queen,
or put them out of their misery
She's out there
There's two of us, they say
all souls cut down the middle
sent apart
to search for one another.
She's out there
my other half
is she live or dead?
In America
or Uganda?
If only there was a psychic flare gun
to signal her,
to say, "Hi, I love you"
She's out there and I weep
she's not here
I don't know her
I miss her
who is she
I love her
Help Me
INDEPENDENCE
Psycho, crazy, insane
above or below the boundaries
cries for help but hides from it
choices are as clear as ice,
be normal and not mocked,
give up to individual, the passion, the talent
be the conformist sheep.
OR
be out there
inspired by pondering nothing
dancing in the rain
debating reality
with yourself
choices are made
no sheep around here,
only wolves
its a beautiful day in this neighbourhood
when you write, the script of reality
Dark Bird
Argumentative
She fights dirty
an artist in her own right
destroyer of stereotypes.
the physical body has little importance,
except to keep life long and fun
the Rebel
the Warrior Princess
the Dream
and I'm the Dreamer
let the dream not end,
an aneurysm, permanent coma,
se we will be together forever,
OR
let fate smile on me
and let me find you
in the flesh in the fight back to back
taking on all the enemies
ignorance, injustice, prejudice, intolerance, stereotypes, pollution
you and me baby, slashing and burning away at society.
creating our own reality,
our own world where everything's right.
destroying each others falsehoods
purifying ourselves
with ourselves
the beauty of the soul is free,
the beauty of truth is shown
Dark Bird
dreamy bird
be with me
for now
and
forevermore
Human Rights
They are restricted
the minorities
whether by unjust laws or the lack of laws
or society;
marriage
restricted
jobs
restricted
children
restricted
life
impoverished
minorities
who by a simple twist of fate
are restricted
the rights endowed to their majority brethren
endowed by birth,
as humans
restricted,
free them by simply
granting every human
equality.
Straight and wrinkled
Order is created
yet chaos still flexes its muscles
all the clothes are refolded perfectly
perfectly wrinkled
everything is straight
when I'm not around
everythings perfect, everythings right,
the world is as it should be,
when all of us crazy freaks are hiding
but then we come
screaming our pride in that which is not exactly mainstream
our defiance, their intolerance
such lovely chaos
they give us some of what we need and want and deserve,
when we scream loud enough
but most of our needs go unmet,
we must get a little quiet for a while
structure is returning,
weirdness fades,
my "psychosis" is getting sleepy
I'm starting to enjoy being straight and wrinkled
and ending the mainstream
creating a new society
a joyous, loving, just society
life of lettuce
awakened by his love at dawn
cradled in her bosom my whole life
the sky kisses me with rain
I grow under their love
the passion of pure existence,
the joy of my life
Think of me
I could be a rose
or a dandelion.
fruit or vegetable
does it matter?
do vegans think of my soul, my life, my love
when they call their omnivore brothers
murderers?
and still kill me
feasting on my flesh
or that of my children?
can we say hypocrite?
Just because I don't scream
as you cut me and you can find
a brain in me
doesn't mean I don't feel the pain you give me
Conclusion
I've come to an end
my soul unpinned
healing
feeling
loving
and living
enjoying this artistic
antidepressant
infusion
and to quote Kurt
one more special
message to go
and then Im done
and I can go home
love mys.... oh forget that
I'm getting happy
and attention
feeling loved
and noticed
its ok to be alive.
To ________, of West Chicago
I loved you so
and acted very low
expressing lust
destroying any trust
I still grieve
why did I deceive?
I loved you so
you really didn't know
we could have danced
had a little romance
Je t'adore
you abhor
I loved you so
for you my heart did go
maybe one day another chance
a romantic trance
another try
this time
I refuse to lie
I
love
you
so
Remembering my immaturity
running fast
blowing kisses
she screams
and runs
the fun begins again
around the school back and forth
she outruns me easily
Another one this time giving candy
and a verbal run around
she spits and kicks
and I talk dirty
the fun begins again
around the school
back and forth outruns me easily...
I grew up
remembered my old ways
after moving and seeing others do what I did
and am sickened by them
a vow, a change, reformation.
And never doing it again
You did the best you could
You did the best you could
you raised us pretty good
to raise three by yourself
paid the bills and had no wealth
Alone I was raised
never gave any praise
you endless toil
a husband unloyal
Mom, I love you
and mom I thank you
forever
and everything.
all nature is beautiful,
from the drama of Niagra falls
to the single blade of grass,
glistening with dew
the cleansing rains
the icicles silently saying that even water sleeps
the mother doe caring for its newborn
too weak to stand
nurturing , loving
all nature is beautiful
from the struggle
of predator and prey
battles for dominance
in breeding and territory
to the simple opening of a blossom
filling the fields with fragrant flowers following
the sun
receiving light and shining beauty
all
nature
is
beautiful.
(UNTITLED)
Are we the highest life, Mr Darwin
or just egotistical,
insane
self appointed executioners of earth
were they right at Nuernberg to say
humanity shines brightest when acting as savages
or are we in soul and spirit, redeemable
worthy of transcending the mortal shell
for a philosophical debate with God.
Will we give up hate, fear and greed
the motivating factors for material development
for peace, love, and a wisdom that some say isn't there?
Rain falls on the roof
like a thousand kisses from him to her
I lie on the bathroom floor
stomach being lightly burned
from direct contact with a heating vent I press against
for warmth in winter
I hear my breath
wheezing, whining
like an engine too old and worn to turn over
I am alone,
20,
friendless,
loveless,
sad
and hating the monotony of my life.
... and the home of the brave
how can we judge
what's right or wrong
standing in an imagined moral superiority
relying on "holy" scripture
that was imagined
how can we judge
whether a woman
has control of her body
or
if its control is determined
by some man
writing laws
based on the thoughts of men thousands of years ago
how can we judge
how a nation rules its people
or the people the nation
favor trade with one red flag
but deny it to another.
How can we judge
who gave us moral authority
nation of the free oppressors
To the Unknown spirit
Oh please come to me again
love
like last night, when I
awoke to find no physical being
but felt you
my love
being the lover I so desperately crave
please hear my
pleas
be my lover again tonight
I miss you so
I miss your soul
I beg, I plead
If asked, for you I would bleed
yet you ignore my need
you take me when I lose hope,
not when I beg
not when I pretend to not want it
you know me to well
If I could only get you to stay
If only I could know who you are
who you were,
who you want to be
my formless lover.
Have you reincarnated,
leaving me to beg for something that won't happen
are you a lonely spirit
as I
or a torturous daemon
preparing me for eternity in hell ,
or what would be the heaven of your bedchamber
I begin to understand your ways
you come to me at my lowest,
and raise me to my highest,
wanting me to stay, giving you all so that
I can fly with emotions so high
but I tear out my own feathers and fall
with my endless cry of why did you leave me?
And when I crash, your energy
renewed, you serge to me
like a flame being given to a phoenix
overpowering pure passion
numbing body mind and soul,
with a pleasure that seems to last for infinity,
but is only a few moments
I LOVE YOU
romance is not another word for sex,
as some believe,
romance can be any act
done by one
out of love
and with the sole purpose
of making the love of ones life happy
romance can be
a candle lit dinner
for a lover, when the
lover has had a hard day
it can be simply doing
all the household chores
for your lover so that he/she
may lie in bed, relaxing
it can be extravagant,
such as having your lovers name
written in the sky,
or
as simple
as breakfast in bed.
...as long as it meets 2 conditions
being done purely out of love, and
with the sole purpose of making your partner happy
any act can be
romance.
The Quick fix
the quick fix is here
come and get it
amphetamine for rebellion,
surgery for weight loss,
or breast gain.
We refuse to allow ourselves
to fight the battles,
"oh no, its too hard"
"he won't sit still"
"they're just not big enough, whose gonna want me?"
If lifes a test,
are these the cheat sheets?
(untitled)
rejection of natural,
creation of our own
society is changed
once wild packs, now urban cities
once starvation and disease rampant
now less so
what's the future,
what's the future?
following a trend?
from solo families
to clans
to tribes
to villages
to cities
what's next,
the hive?
is
the bee
the ultimate in social creatures?
(untitled)
Stripped to their basic cores
pure beauty
of the strongest strength:
knowledge
of the purest truth:
love
of the brightest light:
peace
Stripped of all their dogma (or catma)
religion,
no matter which one,
as long as it keeps us with the divine,
and there is peace, love and knowledge,
unites
and is the greatest beauty of man.
Red
red as rust
clouds of dust
trailing me
I walk on the ground
let my anger drowned
clinging to my skin
this red red soil
to which I'll always be loyal
I become native American
no longer an American born European
I am wiccan
worshiping in the glen
loving her
a pagan minister
all in this red
beautiful
Holy
red
(untitled)
walking on gravel
sharp racks cut,
and sting
still I walk on
no matter what's
in my way
I walk on
slipping in the mud
I fall on my butt
but I get back up
and walk on
not numbed by what I've been told
I walk on
to learn
and
know
Friendless
I can tell that they think
I'm cold, anti-social.
They're right.
The friends I've had
misused me
were embarrassed by me
hated me
coldness breeds and scars
why be social,
when friends betray you
laugh at you,
leave you.
warmth, love, understanding
heal my psyche
if someone ignores my coldness
and is friendly
the iceberg melts
Please
Melt Me.
He is
He is the embodiment of male
not macho
or misogynic
but kind gentle, romantic
and not effeminate
He is the lover
the father and warrior
the brother and son
the hunter and hunted
He is the one who will always
be there for you,
not at a bar causing his own unemployment
one who teaches to play fair,
and doesn't cheat his family
he is the one who would stay honest and loyal
not chasing every skirt in view
He loves until the end of love
he is horned
and scarred with the tests, trials, and victories of life
He is the ideal
Strive to be him.
Maleing
the thought
of overcoming insecurities
of manhood
staying male
instead of waving a white flag
and begging for surgery
is in my heart
to be the male
fulfill the gender role put on me before birth
even knowing that nothing I respect
would frown upon my feminization
yes, this maybe denial,
but lets see how it goes,
try to be the best-
human
I can be
man
I can be
try to be the best
set a good example
oh human strength overcoming
all.
Shells
many of the girls I know
have no interest
in beauty below the surface
like looking upon a pond overgrown with algae
and assuming it to be hideous.
no notice of that which lives below.
in the man they search for
they do not look for the beauty of the soul
the caring of the heart.
the unwavering goal of doing whatever she asks of him
to simply make her happy
in hopes of a future response
they look at the shells
that enclose the soul
they look for the hansom stud,
an athlete,
a bad boy
the opportunists of the heart
who search for any warm body
not for love,
but a quick roll in the sack
these self proclaimed men
have no love
or
respect for women
but are simply,
pretty
empty
shells
cycleing
up and down
light and dark
life cycles
form happiness
to sadness
joy
to
pain
if the cycle should stop
would it be in love of life
or a quick end
the rollercoaster of emotion isn't over yet
need help
someone else
someone to hear my cries
one more day
one more day
to hear and say
I love you
one more day
to live and know
all the joys life provides
one more day
to be
to feel
to change that which is into
that which we dream
one more day
(untitled)
I urge you
I don't have the courage to follow my own message
to go out and be friendly to all
talk to total strangers
make friends with everyone
maybe
even
me
(untitled)
alone
again again
I write this
again again
darkness
again again
self critical
admittal
mediocrity
again again
again
again
again
again
dreamy waters
I dream of the day
when the river says
"I will not be restricted
by your kind any more"
and shatters all the dams
and locks
I dream of the day
when the waters scream out
"your kind can use me,
but I will not allow you
to poison me any more", and
forms ice caps over all pipelines flowing in
tosses the oil and gas spilling motor boats
out of its body
takes all the wastes thrown into it and tosses it back at
those who dumped it in
I dream of the day when the sea becomes defensive
and states "I will always love you
but you must respect me or you shall be
destroyed"
ways
we (the living beings of the universe)
all travel paths
different paths
none end the same
none start the same
like each facet on a gemstone
like each thought in the mind of GOD
we are all separate,
yet permanently linked as one.
we have different ways
I
ask that
you
do not demand I follow your path
like convincing a pig to grow wings & fly,
It simply won't be
and I would expect the same of you
let us celebrate our diversity
let no one,
under any circumstance,
demand us to change
let no one
ask us to change
unless we wish to
Dark lite, shining
I see a young woman
beautiful, in societies cataritic eye
straight A's from preschool to college
perfect attendance, prom queen.
she bores me
she is so
meaningless
she is the bright white light of a searchlight
beckoning the grand opening of a used car lot
at night.
she hides her true beauty
the dark daemon inside
the side that loves metal, black shiny leather
the side that dreams of being a centrefold for hustler
the wild and kinky, it is only the hiding
and shaming of it that mutates it to perversion.
express your lovely shadow
its not popular with the mainstream
but its beautiful
and liberating
Alicia
"All guys are assholes
or have girlfriends
or are gay."
a female acquaintance said to me the other day
"and which one am I?"
I responded
mildly disturbed at the possibility of being labeled such
"I don't have a girlfriend
and I'm not gay
so?"
her response:
"oh,...your precious"
although in truth I believe I didn't enter her mind.
why don't women think of me?
why can't just one lovely lady
see me, say hi good lookin'
and think of me?
judgement
I strive for perfection
words embodying my heart,
and soul,
I submit a sample, a criticism of what I see as bad
in hope for agreement
in hope for recognition
and acceptance,
now I must wait for judgement
To her
you ask me where I was
in high school and college
when you cried out for a man who was sensitive
a man who cared, wouldn't cheat on you at first chance
a man who wouldn't break your heart
and wanted more than to get into your pants.
but I was there
I was there to watch you throw yourself at every guy
whom you thought of as cute.
I was there to be ignored when there was a guy you knew wasn't true
who would break you hear without a second thought
the question is not where I was
or even where you were
its why weren't we together
which I can't answer
I remember
I was ready willing and waiting
and you knew it
and now you come to me
after all the others used and abused you
you come to me
because you know Im lonely and desperate
willing to jump for the first woman to come along
in fear that opportunity will only knock once
Yes I will be your man
I will love, care, and respect you
but please
don't ask where I was in your hour of need
you were the one that wouldn't let me into your life
Analysis of fear
I sit on a bench
across the hall from a young woman
she is attractive, yet I fear her,
I fear the rejection of me for my physical appearance.
I fear the rejection of me for me inability to drive yet I wish to be with her,
in any way she would have me
Croak
He is the raven
hopeless romantic fool
ever pursuing a bird of a feather
a soulmate
destined too dream of a life without
the loneliness he knows
a loneliness no one
should know,
he prays, hopes, wishes and dreams
that she enter his life
but he know not if the prayers will be answered
or maybe they have been, and he didn't hear
opportunity knocking.
He sees beautiful women
befriends them
and is crushed when
he hears of their boyfriends,
fiances, or husbands
he is the Raven
he is me
(untitled)
does anyone truly know what they want
or do they simply stumble into
a pleasure that they fool themselves
into believing was the dream they were destined for?
(untitled)
I begin yet again
down this road
of ink, lead, and paper
I begin yet again
fueled by my soul my brain the engine
and fingers are the wheels
I begin yet again
exercising the creative
purifying and cleansing the inner
I begin yet again
further down lifes
wonderful road.
I
begin
yet
again
spider
weaving the web of your life
each strand a different story
of whats been
whats seen heard, felt
and all
weaving the web of your life
singing you song
the lyrics melodies sounds
only heard by those that matter
weaving the web of your life
you can tangle yourself up with yourself
and die in your cocoon of introspection
and paranoia
weaving the web of your life
say your story
sing your song
but also live your life
and don't spend all time
weaving
My 2 mothers
one prays I stop learning
and get a job to start earning
the other says be free
be happy
one wants me to come home
and stay
the other wants me to do as I please
as long as it harms none
one I and my siblings have hurt
and I grieve, wish to right the wrongs
the other does not believe there are such
injuries and thinks my being silly
I love my mothers
I just don't know who to follow
one I see
one I know
If only they could both be one
SHE WEPT
When it finally came to climax
she cried
Her youngest finally leaving
he stated
truthfully
with his own mounting tears
"I can't live at home forever"
"yes you can, you want your old mother to be alone?"
No response
what could he have said
this is his only chance at freedom
but why such pain
why
why
he did not want to cause pain
he has rights
including
freedom
Conversation
do not tell me
about life insurance
about funeral arrangements
tell me if you love me, mom
A Drop
Dewy drops covering
a maze of yellow swatches
against a dark blue evening
techno and nature intertwining
with the right timing
creating such a
unique beauty
Someone Like You
loneliness
and boredom
sends me searching
for someone
like you
someone
to love
to write for
to talk to
to live for
to be the light at the end of the tunnel
someone like you
with your brite blue eyes
full of love, life hope beauty
the brilliance shining through the windows of the soul
you with your golden hair
shining in the sunlight like cornsilk
why must you always choose guys who will hurt you?
Is this some insatiable need in the female heart
for pain spiked with pleasure?
Id love to be with you
I would never hurt you
I dream of being with
someone like you.
S. R. M.
FORGE
you ignite me
send me ablaze
you join with me
in this fire of love
we work each other
hammering out the impurities
burning off the imperfect
smelting, in each others arms
loving, what we are
changing, into something so
perfect
it cannot be
at least in whats called reality
Summer
summer
shortest
and most loved of all
brightest
and most mature
so beautiful and most enjoyed.
You are when life is at its fullest
your heat warms my frozen heart
but we must always remember
the birds fly away at the first chilled breeze
so much dies in your absence
we must trust and know the future
that the blessings of summer
are just around the corner
if we cherish this sacred seed,
the potential of love
and let it bloom
ignore the painful chills of winter gone by
it will blossom
as the most beautiful rose
Beautiful images
I see beauty in all things
when in nature, but not just nature
from the tar splotch shaped like a mermaid
to the sunset light fluttering through the trees
to see the beauty of all,
be in all
not blocked in walls
and carpet,
false light overhead
and covered with blankets;
sleeping with a mattress of mother earth
and moss
a wallpaper of leaves
star the only nightlight
In Tar
I see a beauty
when I go for a walk
just a smear of tar on the road
until you stop, look, and love
I see a mermaid
with fishes tail
full breasts
and flowing hair
body positioned as if sleeping
maybe she's waiting for a flood
to awaken and swim away
do you think she'll take me with
or just try to forget
the man who stood on a road
contemplating
tar
and seeing
more
sad and pathetic little me
sad and pathetic little me
Id do anything to be loved by a girl
I just wanna give love a whirl
Id do anything that ya wanna
id go shopping for marijuana
id do anything to be loved by that girl
sad and pathetic little me
id do anything to be loved by that girl
sad and pathetic little me
going to the liquor store to buy some Zima
she's underaged and im luckily legal
we'll get drunk all night long
then we'll hit that bong
Im hoping to get lucky
maybe she'll appreciate and decide to fuck me.
Id do anything to get that girl
Id do anything to give love a whirl
Sad
and Pathetic
Little
ME.
Rain on me
Sky kisses ground
I watch from inside
expressions of their love all around
not sin to hide
beauty rains on me
I step outside
rain pouring down
walk into the grass
and I lay upon the ground
while love rains on me
like a teddy bear
between a loving couple
this holy act
presses on me
purest passion rains on me
Great Father Sky
let me feel you love
for the Mother Earth
rain on me
pour on me
raining down
passion in water
all around
hearing loving wisdom
rain on me
EMILY
Beautiful one
wondrous woman
so innocent when inebriated
I am not the others
I will not be mean
I care, and will buy for you
I love and would die for you
If you could know my
heart
that I wish to be more than
acquaintance
the roommate of a friend
lovely lovely Emily
can it ever be so?
will you ever know?
A Regret
Her eyes were full of life
and her heart of passion
but her mind was all a clouded
with intoxication her body's fashion
She did dare violate my
sanctuary
she entered my bed
and like pulling the lions tail
dared to run her fingers through my hair
I awoke
and looking into those eyes, so deep
if they were ponds a man would drown in them,
fall 100 years
and never touch bottom.
My heart sang to be her lover
but I knew it wouldn't be
not on this night,
when her will to refused
was having a hang-over
I must respect her
maybe later
our hearts
minds
and bodies
will join
(untitled)
They do it for mans pleasure and their own pain
forced by life fate and society to live this way
they did it to stay alive
yet hated and mocked by society for being so
they did it to stay alive
when others were unwilling to help
they do it for a mans pleasure and their own pain
these impained sisters
not being loved but lusted for
some loving a man
who cares not for them,
sold into servitude
to support his lifestyle
not finding enough money for survival
no matter the skills
education
and training
being destroyed,
body and soul,
by life
their clients give disease
their pimps lock them to this life with an addiction
they find no other way
they live a slow death
day by dollar
they did it to stay alive
they do it to stay enslaved
they do it for life
Just Bitchin
Why is it that when a man wears
clothes of certain colours, patterns, and materials
his manhood is questioned?
Our ancient ancestors wore skirts, men and women,
is this socially acceptable today?
If we want a society that truly has equality to men and women
all societal perceptions on role must be eliminated
including fashion. Now hand me my pink blouse.
Whycantyoustoptellingmeaboutyourmeaninglesspatheticexistenceidontcareifthewalmartmangaveyouafreecheeseburgertodayidontcareaboutanyoftheotherpointlessthingsyoutellmedayafterdayitellyouidontcarebutyoujustkeeptellingmeiwishihadaguniwouldpointitrightbetweenmyeyesandblowmybrainsoutjusttoknowsilence
Kapla
a physical success
24:50 for 2 miles
a feet I never dreamed possible
6 months ago
a dream that can only be true
with the mind
the heart
the soul
all agreeing to succeed
kapla
kapla
kapla
never sure how bright the sun
or how cold the breeze
unless we listen to another
telling us what we could know
from just stepping outside
never sure how bright the sun
or if the rain will freeze
if we could know in advance
how little to wear!
or we could try easily strippable layers
never sure how bright the sun
or how strong the wind
what to plant and when
oh if these marvels of science were just as strong
as native species, or just as beautiful.
never sure how bright the sun
or if our hearts will freeze
when we abandon hope
empower fear and hate
the could light of death will shine
and love will be a void
They didn't know
In our madness
called war
we kill many innocents
and don't acknowledge their existence
hundreds of pets, wild things living
until Nagasaki and Hiroshima
went up in smoke
dogs drafted during Vietnam detonate mines
with their tender paws
these innocents didn't know
that its just politics
that it didn't have to be
that out of greed, arrogance, and dogma
we murder them and ourselves
these ones will never have
a memorial commemorating their lives lost
never acknowledged
rarely though of
they didn't know
tlhlngan Hol Dajathlh'a'
wonderful girl
im jealous of you you have friends of a pagan nature
massive links to what you desire
and dont' have to fear your mother
you can be as open as you desire
I seek my own little israel
a holy land in which I dont
have to hide my star
I can let my hair grow long
sing loudly
and not wear underwear (or even boxers)
be as green as possible and tlhlngan Hol jatlh
Politically incorrect
becareful, I tell the truth
which may offend
but is correct.
truth?
I believe you...
misdefine
you may mean facts
a fact is a skull dug from the ground
a truth is subjective
a truth is "neanderthal, 10000 years old"
a truth is " No, thats uncle jake, I remember putting him there,
20 years ago after the accident..... maybe I shouldn't have said that"
a truth is "its just a rock"
This
was the truth.
wanting
you'll think Im perverse
dreaming of cherry pies
and maybe im worse
drinking the sweat from her thighs
Im just wanting;
semi-normal, post teen lust
Im just wanting
to feel her bust
thinking kinda kinky
after an intense exercise class
drinking sweat like sweetened tea
groping her well-defined ass
but thats just the physical
im just wanting
the whole thing
the mind for critical thinking
challenging
everything
I am
lover
don't know don't care
if their
male
if their
female
lover
its what I need
let my future lover
be so drawn to me
irresistibly
like a bug to the lightning blue light of a zapper
an iron rod to the strongest of magnets
let us come together
in a way that
only titans of strength
veritable hands of sampson and Hercules
could even contemplate drawing apart
and the only for the briefest moments
let me find
lover.
Breeding mold
when we throw part of ourselves in a closet
slam the door, lock it
it doesn't die,
with no air, or light or love
it takes in what it can
negatives combining
mutating
sex plus anger minus power, love and self-esteem
is named perversion
armored with shiny black vinyl and patent leather
chains, whips, and paddles
your gospel screeches sex is sin
but you wont win
with repression
locked away
it breeds till one day
your daughters a dominatrix
your wife loves the pet dog alittle too much
(and you wonder why he gave up on your leg)
your son considers preschools a singles bar
yes perversion aint natural
its breeds by repression
the closet of your psyche its womb.
Sandy
You were everything to me
You took away my pain
and set me free
then you abandoned me
you had inspired hope
then slapped me into misery
you sang sweet siren songs
and made me dream
of brite happiness, Joy and comfort
then dropped me like dinners unwanted leftovers
into the garbage of reality
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
reflections
not a poem this time, just thoughts.
the only people to tell me happy birthday this year were:
the wife,
the mother,
one co-worker,
and gretta.
Now tell me life is beautiful,
now tell me that there is hope
and
happiness
and
all of that positive crap.
the only people to tell me happy birthday this year were:
the wife,
the mother,
one co-worker,
and gretta.
Now tell me life is beautiful,
now tell me that there is hope
and
happiness
and
all of that positive crap.
Monday, September 15, 2008
venting through hugging razor wire
you
who I long to kiss,
to hold,
to caress;
you who I desire,
to stare in the eyes of
before drifting off to sleep
with you in my arms;
you,
whose sacred temple of flesh,
I dream of going down on my knees
and worshipping at;
you,
who I would
sacrifice a
thousand worlds for;
you.
I love you,
and I know
that you will never
say it and mean it
the way
I do.
who I long to kiss,
to hold,
to caress;
you who I desire,
to stare in the eyes of
before drifting off to sleep
with you in my arms;
you,
whose sacred temple of flesh,
I dream of going down on my knees
and worshipping at;
you,
who I would
sacrifice a
thousand worlds for;
you.
I love you,
and I know
that you will never
say it and mean it
the way
I do.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
I wish I could tell her how much I love her
how much it grieves me to not touch her
how much I bleed inside for her;
how heavy my heart is without her.
I wish her poems were about me
her heart spilling rhyming couplets and prose in honor of me
the words pouring from her fingers like blood from an artery
her nights dream the sound of a heart beat coming from me.
I wish I could hold her
look into her eyes and see down into her soul
see feelings reflected like lasers off mirrors
feel her breath against my ears
her body clinging to mine.
If tears were razor blades,
my thoughts of you would have ended my pain
how much it grieves me to not touch her
how much I bleed inside for her;
how heavy my heart is without her.
I wish her poems were about me
her heart spilling rhyming couplets and prose in honor of me
the words pouring from her fingers like blood from an artery
her nights dream the sound of a heart beat coming from me.
I wish I could hold her
look into her eyes and see down into her soul
see feelings reflected like lasers off mirrors
feel her breath against my ears
her body clinging to mine.
If tears were razor blades,
my thoughts of you would have ended my pain
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